Chapter 6: Trying to Find Normal

Cora told me it might help to write things down to keep them clear and to get my feelings out.  She ended up having to leave, but I don't think seeing her has been helping anyway.

Mason has been nothing but wonderful.  This has to be hard for him and I find myself wanting to make it better.  I'm supposed to be his wife and I don't even remember him...and yet he is nothing but supportive.

They say that I should do more activities...not let the life I have now pass me by and all...so today we're fishing.  I say we of course because Mason never leaves my side.  He has taken some time off of work to be with me...mostly to make sure that I am comfortable enough to be by myself.  I can't say I don't like having him around, but he really needs to get back to his work.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay when I start going back to work regularly?" Mason is asking me for the fifth time.

I just stare at him, "Come on, give me a little credit..of course I'll be fine.  I won't blow the house up or anything."

He laughs and looks up at me - sort of longingly I think.  It's hard to tell...but I have been getting those kinds of looks a lot.
He laughs.
"What's so funny?" I ask.
"Nothing," he replies, "just that...even with amnesia, you still manage to be you."
"I'll have to take your word for it," I reply.

He's quiet for a minute, but then he starts speaking again, "What are you going to be doing tomorrow?"
What an odd question.  "Nothing that I know of," I answer, "why?"
"How would you like to go to my game tomorrow...it's my 'Comeback' game and...I know you don't remember it, but you're kind of like a good luck charm for me...I would really like it if you would be there."  He's rambling...I've never seen him ramble.  I have to admit, it's kind of cute.

"You want me to go?" I ask, "but I don't know anything about football."

"You don't really have to," he tells me, "just sit in the owner's box and keep your eyes on me.  It will make me feel good just knowing you're watching..."

"Um..."

"I know it sounds silly and trivial...but..."

It's such a simple request, but he's standing here, hating to ask it of me...how strange...I don't care how uncomfortable it's going to be for me.  I have to do this for him.

"Of course I'll go," I reply.

He smiles and I can see that he's pleased.  That makes me happy.

Soon after our conversation, we head home.

When we get home, we both hit the gym.  I find that working out relaxes me, and Mason has to work out all the time for his job, so it's a pretty safe activity for us to do together.

As much as working out relaxes me, my daily bubble baths work wonders...I'm beginning to believe that water was created just so we could soak all our worries away...it sure feels like that sometimes.  Bath time gives me time to decompress and contemplate everything that goes on...I keep hoping all this contemplation is going to lead to remembering some things, but so far, no such luck.

Mostly I think about what an odd situation this all is.  Mason has moved completely out of his own bedroom, the one he normally shares with me, and into one of the other ones.  I told him he should have his room, because I can't remember it anyway, but he insists.

I have also tried painting because everyone keeps telling me I'm pretty good at it, but I still don't see it.

Before Mason goes to work, we sit down and talk.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay today?" He asks once more.

"Mason, I said yes," I tell him, "what more do you want me to say?"

"I guess you're right," he replies, "okay, well...I have to get going.  I'll see you tonight.  Lo...Later."

I know I said I was okay, and I need to be, but a part of me is sad to see him leave.

I keep quiet though.  If I show even a single sign of not wanting him to leave, he won't go...and he needs to go.  He can't stay cooped up in this house with me and my broken head anymore.

He looks back at me, almost as if he knows what I'm thinking and says, "Why don't you head over to your parents' house while I'm gone?"

"Okay," I reply, "that sounds like a good idea."

So as he leaves, I get ready to walk over to my parents' house.  It's literally across the street and up a little.

When I get there, Andrew, or my father, is there.  Being around him always puts me at ease.

"Hey there, punkin'," he greets me.  Even though everyone else tip-toes around me, he still calls me all these pet names...but I don't mind...for some reason I like them.  He says he works in the school system.  I can believe it.  The loving but stern persona he has probably works wonders on students.

From what I can tell, he's a pretty simple guy.  He likes to garden, so I know I can always talk to him about that.  They say that I used to be very good at it as well, but I'm too afraid of killing anything to try my hand at it now.

Of course my father is always trying to convince me...in a very animated way.

"There's really nothing to it, just dig, throw some seeds in there, cover it up, water it...nothing to it."

"Says Mr. Green Thumb," I reply.

"Uh-oh, is that a joke aimed at me coming from my baby girl?" he asks somewhat teasingly, "I knew this amnesia thing was a hoax."

"Ha ha," I reply.

See what I mean about not being treated like glass when I'm around him?  I think I like it.

It's conversations like these that make me understand why I feel a close bond to him.  Even though I've been stand-offish to everyone else, I have been able to get close to him.  That's progress, right?

As I'm leaving my parent's house, I get a call from Evie, apparently my best friend.

"Hey, I have a surprise for you, can you come over?" she asks.

"What the surprise?" I ask as I come over.

Evie's always so well put together...maybe that's why I'm not sure if I like her or not.

"Well, you know we got a horse recently, right?" she asks.
"Yeah," I reply dryly, "I remember."
"Well, go look outside," she says.

Outside, I see a little foal...she's so cute!

"Who is this?" I ask.
"Right now her name is Pepper, but I figure you can name her whatever you want," Evie replies.
"She's for me?!"
"Yeah, I thought you might like her," she replies.

She's so right...as soon as I look in Pepper's eyes, I feel a connection.

When I get home, I buy everything I'm going to need for her.  Our house isn't really set up for a pony, but I'm going to give it a try.

Of course, I have forgotten one thing...to tell Mason.  I'm pretty sure this is one of those things that married couples should discuss...whether or not to bring a horse into the house...

I catch him before he gets too far into the house.
"Hey, how was your day?" he asks.
"Um...it was okay...guess what?" I reply.
He looks at me warily, "What?"
"We got a horse!" I reply...I can't contain my excitement.

"A horse?" he replies.

Crap, this doesn't look like a good expression...

"Yeah, she offered...and when I saw her, she looked so pretty...I couldn't say no..."

"Hold on," he says, "so you bought a horse?"
"No...Evie gave her to me," I explain, "her horse had babies, so she gave me one."
"Can I keep her?  I'm sorry I didn't tell you...I just got so excited..." I ramble...

He sighs and looks back at me, "I suppose anything that can make you that happy is okay with me."

"Thank you!"  I reply, "I swear you'll love her.  Just wait!"

I run outside to show him Pepper...

As I head outside, I hear him dialing on his phone...

I hear his side of the conversation...
"I'm gonna kick your ass..."
"Don't give me that innocent 'what' crap.  A horse?"
"Yeah, I know..."
"Well, I wasn't suggesting..."
"I know she does..."
"I know it does..."
"Yeah, okay, I'll talk to you later...yeah, love you too sis, bye."
He mutters to himself and sighs, "why my life has to controlled by these women..."

I can't help but smile.

He meets Pepper and likes her just as much as I do...so we spend the night getting her settled.

It's been a great day.

Of course, the fuzzy nightmares I've been having lately are still there...

Eyes...of a child...at least I think...

Being afraid...

Hands...threatening hands...

....an angry man...

Reaching...for something...I just don't know what...I wish they made more sense.