Madley In Love: March 2012

Taking care of Pepper has really brought a lot of joy into my life. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed being a nurturer. Mason tells me that I have always been that way - of course I can't remember anything about how I used to be, but this feels right.

"Well good morning ladies," I hear Mason walk out and greet me after I finish feeding Pepper. I turn around and smile. Hearing his voice is becoming more soothing to me over time.

"Are you ready to go to the game?" he asks.

I had almost forgot, "Do you think Pep will be okay without me here?"

"I'm sure she'll be fine," he replies, "but Evie's sending Layton over to keep an eye on her to make sure."

I am continually amazed at how well he knows me...obviously more than I know myself. He knew that just saying Pepper would be fine would not be enough for me.

"So what's the plan? Am I going to watch while you do all the pre-game stuff?" I ask on the way.

"Actually the game isn't until this afternoon," he starts, "I have made us some plans for lunch."

"Oh..." I'm not really one for surprises as of late.

But when he stops the car, we're at the park.

"What are we doing?" I ask.

"I thought a picnic might be nice," he replies and gets out of the car, pulling a basket out of the trunk.

"A picnic? With what? I thought you were anti-cooking..."

He laughs, "Don't get excited. They're just hot dogs..."

"...but you told me you've blown them up before..."

"...and Amy made them." He laughs again.

"Oh, ok...so we're safe."

I've been slowly re-learning everything about my life, and one of those things is that Mason's hot dogs taste like rubber. Amy's - or my mother's - taste spectacular.

"Is there coleslaw?" I ask.

"Isn't there always?" He answers in a voice I'm sure also comes out during much more private settings. My heart can't but jump a bit.

"You are too good," I reply as he hands me a delicious looking hot dog covered with cheese, mustard, chili, onions, and coleslaw...a true southern delicacy...seriously...try it.

"I try," he replies. There's that voice again...

"So what brought all this on?" I ask

"Well," he starts, "I thought it might be nice. We have to eat anyway, right?"

Something occurs to me...

"You know what...?" I start...

"What?" He asks...but I've already lost my train of thought.

"Oh! Look! It's a deer!"

Mason is looking at me, but I just noticed the deer...

"What?" he asks.

"It's a fawn! See? Isn't it so pretty?" Seeing the deer has me so excited, I completely forget what I was going to say.

"Um....yeah," Mason agrees. He's looking at me with a confused expression on his face.

Now it's my turn to be confused, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

We stand up and I look at him. He's so...he's just so...

"It's nothing," he responds to my question, "You've never been this much of an animal person, but I guess maybe I understand it. You've always been a nurturer."

We walk a ways over near the pond and I watch the fish swimming around like crazy.

"I actually have a surprise for you," he tells me.

"What is it?"

"I asked Tony to come here with Lady, their horse, so you could have a chance to ride." He tells me.

I throw my arms around him before I can help myself.

"Thank you!"

His body feels so warm, I kind of don't want to stop hugging him, and he doesn't pull away. He sighs.

I pull away first.

"Um...I'm sorry," I reply, embarrassed.

"No, don't be...I actually wouldn't mind if you did that all the time." he replies laughing.

It's one of the very few times he's ever talked about his own needs and I feel bad. This must be hard for him.

"Anyway," he thankfully changes the subject, "I have to go do pregame stuff and they won't let people in until game time, so I thought you would like to practice riding until then."

"I would love it," I reply, "how are you so perfect?"

He laughs, "I'm far from perfect, trust me. You'll remember that whenever you get your memory back."

We say our goodbyes as he leaves for the stadium and I head over to where Tony is with the horse.

"Tony?" I ask, unsure, "Have I ever rode before?"

"Um, I don't know," he replies, "I'm not the one to ask...Mason or Evie would know."

So I give it my best shot, and I'm actually able to get up on the horse, but she doesn't like it very much.

Any illusion I had of jumping on this horse and riding off into the sunset are dashed as I fall off off and damn near break my neck. Thankfully, by then it's time to head to the game.

I'm really more excited to be going to Mason's football game than I ever thought I would. I am pretty sure I'm going to be confused, but when I get there, I am surrounded by women talking about their husbands or boyfriends winning the game and what they're going to do with the bonus checks. I just smile politely, but role my eyes on the inside.

I watch Mason the whole time, like he asked me to and am overjoyed when his team wins 9 to 1!

"That was amazing," I tell him when he meets me outside.
"Thanks," he replies shyly.

Looking at him now, I realize what I've been wanting to tell him all day.

"Mason..." I start, but then pause.
"Yes?" He looks at me expectantly, almost as if he knows what I want to say, or at least hopes.
"I think..."
"What?" He encourages me to continue, "What is it?"

But my brain can't formulate the words. All I can do is look at him...

Take a deep breath...

...lean in...

...wrap my arms around him and give him the best, most passionate kiss I can...and pray that I remember how.

He's shocked at first, but he catches up quickly. I think he loses control of himself for a minute. I don't remember what kissing him was like before, but this is desperate...urgent, like in his eyes, kissing me might be the most important thing he has to do...like it might solve world hunger or homelessness...

I agree with his desperation by digging my nails into his back. Even though my memory is gone, my body seems to know exactly what to do...and apparently it also knows exactly what Mason's body wants...this is almost surreal.

When we finally pull away, he catches his breath and asks me, "What was it you were trying to say?"

"I think I'm falling in love with you...again."

Cora told me it might help to write things down to keep them clear and to get my feelings out. She ended up having to leave, but I don't think seeing her has been helping anyway.

Mason has been nothing but wonderful. This has to be hard for him and I find myself wanting to make it better. I'm supposed to be his wife and I don't even remember him...and yet he is nothing but supportive.

They say that I should do more activities...not let the life I have now pass me by and all...so today we're fishing. I say we of course because Mason never leaves my side. He has taken some time off of work to be with me...mostly to make sure that I am comfortable enough to be by myself. I can't say I don't like having him around, but he really needs to get back to his work.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay when I start going back to work regularly?" Mason is asking me for the fifth time.

I just stare at him, "Come on, give me a little credit..of course I'll be fine. I won't blow the house up or anything."

He laughs and looks up at me - sort of longingly I think. It's hard to tell...but I have been getting those kinds of looks a lot.
He laughs.
"What's so funny?" I ask.
"Nothing," he replies, "just that...even with amnesia, you still manage to be you."
"I'll have to take your word for it," I reply.

He's quiet for a minute, but then he starts speaking again, "What are you going to be doing tomorrow?"
What an odd question. "Nothing that I know of," I answer, "why?"
"How would you like to go to my game tomorrow...it's my 'Comeback' game and...I know you don't remember it, but you're kind of like a good luck charm for me...I would really like it if you would be there." He's rambling...I've never seen him ramble. I have to admit, it's kind of cute.

"You want me to go?" I ask, "but I don't know anything about football."

"You don't really have to," he tells me, "just sit in the owner's box and keep your eyes on me. It will make me feel good just knowing you're watching..."

"Um..."

"I know it sounds silly and trivial...but..."

It's such a simple request, but he's standing here, hating to ask it of me...how strange...I don't care how uncomfortable it's going to be for me. I have to do this for him.

"Of course I'll go," I reply.

He smiles and I can see that he's pleased. That makes me happy.

Soon after our conversation, we head home.

When we get home, we both hit the gym. I find that working out relaxes me, and Mason has to work out all the time for his job, so it's a pretty safe activity for us to do together.

As much as working out relaxes me, my daily bubble baths work wonders...I'm beginning to believe that water was created just so we could soak all our worries away...it sure feels like that sometimes. Bath time gives me time to decompress and contemplate everything that goes on...I keep hoping all this contemplation is going to lead to remembering some things, but so far, no such luck.

Mostly I think about what an odd situation this all is. Mason has moved completely out of his own bedroom, the one he normally shares with me, and into one of the other ones. I told him he should have his room, because I can't remember it anyway, but he insists.

I have also tried painting because everyone keeps telling me I'm pretty good at it, but I still don't see it.

Before Mason goes to work, we sit down and talk.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay today?" He asks once more.

"Mason, I said yes," I tell him, "what more do you want me to say?"

"I guess you're right," he replies, "okay, well...I have to get going. I'll see you tonight. Lo...Later."

I know I said I was okay, and I need to be, but a part of me is sad to see him leave.

I keep quiet though. If I show even a single sign of not wanting him to leave, he won't go...and he needs to go. He can't stay cooped up in this house with me and my broken head anymore.

He looks back at me, almost as if he knows what I'm thinking and says, "Why don't you head over to your parents' house while I'm gone?"

"Okay," I reply, "that sounds like a good idea."

So as he leaves, I get ready to walk over to my parents' house. It's literally across the street and up a little.

When I get there, Andrew, or my father, is there. Being around him always puts me at ease.

"Hey there, punkin'," he greets me. Even though everyone else tip-toes around me, he still calls me all these pet names...but I don't mind...for some reason I like them. He says he works in the school system. I can believe it. The loving but stern persona he has probably works wonders on students.

From what I can tell, he's a pretty simple guy. He likes to garden, so I know I can always talk to him about that. They say that I used to be very good at it as well, but I'm too afraid of killing anything to try my hand at it now.

Of course my father is always trying to convince me...in a very animated way.

"There's really nothing to it, just dig, throw some seeds in there, cover it up, water it...nothing to it."

"Says Mr. Green Thumb," I reply.

"Uh-oh, is that a joke aimed at me coming from my baby girl?" he asks somewhat teasingly, "I knew this amnesia thing was a hoax."

"Ha ha," I reply.

See what I mean about not being treated like glass when I'm around him? I think I like it.

It's conversations like these that make me understand why I feel a close bond to him. Even though I've been stand-offish to everyone else, I have been able to get close to him. That's progress, right?

As I'm leaving my parent's house, I get a call from Evie, apparently my best friend.

"Hey, I have a surprise for you, can you come over?" she asks.

"What the surprise?" I ask as I come over.

Evie's always so well put together...maybe that's why I'm not sure if I like her or not.

"Well, you know we got a horse recently, right?" she asks.
"Yeah," I reply dryly, "I remember."
"Well, go look outside," she says.

Outside, I see a little foal...she's so cute!

"Who is this?" I ask.
"Right now her name is Pepper, but I figure you can name her whatever you want," Evie replies.
"She's for me?!"
"Yeah, I thought you might like her," she replies.

She's so right...as soon as I look in Pepper's eyes, I feel a connection.

When I get home, I buy everything I'm going to need for her. Our house isn't really set up for a pony, but I'm going to give it a try.

Of course, I have forgotten one thing...to tell Mason. I'm pretty sure this is one of those things that married couples should discuss...whether or not to bring a horse into the house...

I catch him before he gets too far into the house.
"Hey, how was your day?" he asks.
"Um...it was okay...guess what?" I reply.
He looks at me warily, "What?"
"We got a horse!" I reply...I can't contain my excitement.

"A horse?" he replies.

Crap, this doesn't look like a good expression...

"Yeah, she offered...and when I saw her, she looked so pretty...I couldn't say no..."

"Hold on," he says, "so you bought a horse?"
"No...Evie gave her to me," I explain, "her horse had babies, so she gave me one."
"Can I keep her? I'm sorry I didn't tell you...I just got so excited..." I ramble...

He sighs and looks back at me, "I suppose anything that can make you that happy is okay with me."

"Thank you!" I reply, "I swear you'll love her. Just wait!"

I run outside to show him Pepper...

As I head outside, I hear him dialing on his phone...

I hear his side of the conversation...
"I'm gonna kick your ass..."
"Don't give me that innocent 'what' crap. A horse?"
"Yeah, I know..."
"Well, I wasn't suggesting..."
"I know she does..."
"I know it does..."
"Yeah, okay, I'll talk to you later...yeah, love you too sis, bye."
He mutters to himself and sighs, "why my life has to controlled by these women..."

I can't help but smile.

He meets Pepper and likes her just as much as I do...so we spend the night getting her settled.

It's been a great day.